Today is a sad day for many reasons. All of the company is gone and that always makes me feel sad. What is left is the cleaning. I have the beds stripped and sheets washed. All of the towels are washed and put away. The floors are swept. Everything is put away where it belongs. Tomorrow I need to clean the bathrooms and scrub the floors.
But I also feel sad for another reason. I have had time to think about Roy. I am so sad that he is not with us any more. I am sad that I didn't have a chance to say good-bye. I am sad that during the last 30 years I didn't call him more. I didn't keep in contact with him more. That when he was here I didn't talk to him more. That he won't be at Kruse-a-palooza any more. I have so many regrets. sometimes I get so busy with my life that the really important things like that get forgotten. I can't let that happen again. I need to make sure to tend to the really important things - family and friends. I need to say "I love you" and "I'm sorry" more. I need to do more for others and be less selfish. I need to be a better person.
I know just how you feel (without the cleaning)!! Everytime we go to Minnesota. I feel so terrible on the way home. I'm always thinking--I should have talked to this one more, or I should have done this or that. You can drive yourself crazy with the "what if's and should have's". All we can do is enjoy every minute, while we are together and hope that we all know how much we love each other. Even if we don't say it, we know it. Just like us--we keep saying we're going to sneak away and have some time together everytime we come up there, but in the end we don't. It's not because we don't want to, it's because it just doesn't work out. Seems like something or someone always gets in the way.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree about Roy. I feel like I could have given him more time and effort, but in the end I think he knew how Doyle and I felt--we were lucky enough to tell him before he died. And although you weren't able to tell him in person, I know that he knew how you felt. You are such a good and kind person, he had to know. I wish everyone had had that chance. I feel so sad that he is gone and Kruse-a-palooza will never be the same. We have to go on, but when you lose someone so close, it's hard. This summer will have it's sad times, but we must remember to hold these times that we are all together close, for we never know who's next!