Well, it has been a heck of a week - and not in a good way. I learner some things about myself that I don't like. Well, I guess I learned that a couple of other people don't feel I am as good at something as I thought I was. It makes feel very bad. I am not only only a perfectionists, I am also a people pleased. That combination makes for a very stressful life I guess. It is very hard to hear that people don't think of you as you thought they did. I guess I need to look at it as a waker upper! I just need to figure out how to change the situation. Not as easy as it sounds. What to do - what to do?

Whew - okay. It has been a good couple of days. I have been able to sleep all night - well with a couple of times to pee. I haven't had to try to sleep on the couch or in my chair or anything though. I feel good today. this morning the birds were chirping and the sun was shining when I woke up. It was a good day at work as well. Tonight we went out for supper. It was delicious!!!! And now we may even light the fire pit. I don't know how long I would be able to stay awake out there. I have a lot more catching up to do in the sleep department. I also need to get going on laundry and cleaning because I have to work in the morning.

You know, I just read my last couple of posts. I maybe should not have used the term demons. Sometimes it feels like my brain is out of control, but demons my be too strong of a term. I feel better today. I was able to work through some of the issues that were controlling. My every thought. Sometimes I just can't handle some of the stress in my life. But I feel much better now. I may even be able to sleep to tonight! Prayers answered! Thank you God!

Well, for most of the day today the demons ruled. I had a difficult time in church and after church. I did a lot of putzing this afternoon so I had my thoughts to myself. That was not good. My brain - once again - would not shut down! Ughhhhhhhh!!! then I decided to watch a movie on the Halmark channel. I really think God was answering my prayers for peace with that movie. I feel much better right now. it is still going to be a rough night - again! But after tomorrow, I think things will be better. I am praying for that anyway!

Oh my gosh! The demons are back and back with a vengence! I am in melt down mode. I can't control my emotions right now. I am shaking. I can't sit still. My brain will not stop. I thought maybe being by myself this morning while I was cleaning and doing laundry would help. Not only did it not help, I think it made it worse. AAHHH!!! Then Travis came over with the grandkids. Finally, some relief. Just having them around and interacting with them helped. It is amazing what your grandchildren can do for you. They are gone now and the feelings have crept back in. I am trying to keep really busy so I don't think about things. I will have to take sleeping pills again tonight just so I can sleep. that will be the 3rd night in a row. I hate taking them, but sometimes it is the only way to get relief. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I hate these anxiety attacks!!!! they are terrible. I keep praying for peace to come over me. I hope it comes soon . . . . . .

Well, it took me a few days to completely recover from that anxiety attack, but I am back to normal now. What I consider normal anyway. Easter was pretty uneventful around here. I had my family over for lunch after church. That went fairly well. Then we all went out to my sister and brother-in-laws for the Kruse side. It was nice to see everyone. I haven't seen some of them since Christmas. Work is the same - stressful! That is nothing new. It is just a matter of how well I can emotionally handle it. Sometimes it doesn't bother me. I can just shrug it off. Other times I come home so worked up I have trouble sleeping at night. I got away from work for a little bit today. My "new to me" vehicle had been leaking antifreeze. It is still new enough that the dealer I bought it from had a waranty on it. Anyway, I brought called an made an appointment to bring it in this morning. It was the water pump. Even though I wasted some time this morning, it was nice to get away from work for a couple of hours. The next big thing on the list is Memorial Day. A nice day off. We have a couple of graduations to go to, but it will be nice. Maybe even have a few people over for a BBQ!