Well, this is the one year anniversary of my weight loss journey. It has been a very successful journey. So far I have lost 60 plus pounds. I have gone down at least 4 dress sizes! I am so happy!!!! I would like to lose a couple more just because I know I will slip up a few times during the summer. I have had a couple of people ask me if I had lost weight because of health reasons. Nope. Just want to be healthier. I have to admit that it is fun getting some new clothes. Clothes that fit! I need to get more clothes that fit, but I cant afford it right now. A little at a time.

Well it has been about a month since my last post.I did that on purpose for 2 reasons. First, I wanted to give myself some time. I feel like the only time I post is when the depression floods over me. I need to get away from that. I need to start posting more positive stuff. A lot has happened though. Concerning my last post anyway. I felt like it was God telling me I need to make some changes in my life. At the same time a friend of mine posted some that really hit me hard. I am convinced it was also God telling me something. I need to just take a leap of faith. I am usually such a planner. This is goi to be very hard for me, but I am going to do it. I am not sure what the right time for thus will be, but I will pick the perfect time. Oh and the second reason it has been awhile since I posted is that our computer died. We should be getting our new one any day. Then we have to have the computer guy try to get the information off of our old computer and transverse to the new one. It is harder to post using my kindle so I like to do it on the computer if I can. Anyway, I want to try to keep things positive going forward.

Well, it has been a heck of a week - and not in a good way. I learner some things about myself that I don't like. Well, I guess I learned that a couple of other people don't feel I am as good at something as I thought I was. It makes feel very bad. I am not only only a perfectionists, I am also a people pleased. That combination makes for a very stressful life I guess. It is very hard to hear that people don't think of you as you thought they did. I guess I need to look at it as a waker upper! I just need to figure out how to change the situation. Not as easy as it sounds. What to do - what to do?

Whew - okay. It has been a good couple of days. I have been able to sleep all night - well with a couple of times to pee. I haven't had to try to sleep on the couch or in my chair or anything though. I feel good today. this morning the birds were chirping and the sun was shining when I woke up. It was a good day at work as well. Tonight we went out for supper. It was delicious!!!! And now we may even light the fire pit. I don't know how long I would be able to stay awake out there. I have a lot more catching up to do in the sleep department. I also need to get going on laundry and cleaning because I have to work in the morning.

You know, I just read my last couple of posts. I maybe should not have used the term demons. Sometimes it feels like my brain is out of control, but demons my be too strong of a term. I feel better today. I was able to work through some of the issues that were controlling. My every thought. Sometimes I just can't handle some of the stress in my life. But I feel much better now. I may even be able to sleep to tonight! Prayers answered! Thank you God!

Well, for most of the day today the demons ruled. I had a difficult time in church and after church. I did a lot of putzing this afternoon so I had my thoughts to myself. That was not good. My brain - once again - would not shut down! Ughhhhhhhh!!! then I decided to watch a movie on the Halmark channel. I really think God was answering my prayers for peace with that movie. I feel much better right now. it is still going to be a rough night - again! But after tomorrow, I think things will be better. I am praying for that anyway!

Oh my gosh! The demons are back and back with a vengence! I am in melt down mode. I can't control my emotions right now. I am shaking. I can't sit still. My brain will not stop. I thought maybe being by myself this morning while I was cleaning and doing laundry would help. Not only did it not help, I think it made it worse. AAHHH!!! Then Travis came over with the grandkids. Finally, some relief. Just having them around and interacting with them helped. It is amazing what your grandchildren can do for you. They are gone now and the feelings have crept back in. I am trying to keep really busy so I don't think about things. I will have to take sleeping pills again tonight just so I can sleep. that will be the 3rd night in a row. I hate taking them, but sometimes it is the only way to get relief. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I hate these anxiety attacks!!!! they are terrible. I keep praying for peace to come over me. I hope it comes soon . . . . . .